It’s a Folleague! The new UEFA competitions
It’s clear now. The last two years has seen the great attack by Saudi Arabia to European football: multi-million dollar contracts, superstars snatched from the major leagues, middle-class players seduced by off-market signings… in short, an unprecedented offensive has begun from Riyadh. The aim is clear: to become the alternative to the Premier League, football’s last bastion on this tired and impoverished old continent. The neighboring countries are also adapting. To say it has arrived in Dubai seagulls presented on the notes of Toto Cutugno.
Contrary to Bernardeschi’s predictions, fans could soon be looking to the Gulf rather than the United States as the promised land of soccer entertainment. The threat is serious. No more jokes now.
But Aleksander Ceferin, UEFA President, is a fighter and has already shown his fighting spirit on the Super League project. advocate of a fairer footballMore open, inclusive, tolerant, ethical and democratic, the Slovenian lawyer resents the supremacy of money in sport. And so he entered the field and called an emergency meeting to provide an immediate response to Arab expansionism.
UEFA made this decision at the end of a three-day meeting in Nyon, the seat of Europe’s highest football association the facilitywith immediate effect, of three new competitions which will be added to the current Champions League, Europa League and Conference League. The ultimate goal, and this is reiterated, is not to increase revenue, but to actively engage in the game of football those groups of people who have fallen or are falling out of love.
A 360° strategic project that brings together marketing research, big data, sophisticated algorithms and simulations powered by AI. The result is surprising. Each of the new releases contains truly original elements. The first is called Glory League and will be reserved for former players “over 75”. Target group: boomers and nostalgics (a rapidly growing category).
The formations will consist of players who have played at least four years in the reference club. Of course, health and personal aspects were also taken into account. In fact, not all teams could afford to field competitive squads due to a lack of athletes. UEFA has therefore approved the possibility of adding one, in line with its fair, open, inclusive, tolerant, ethical and democratic spirit a maximum of three “non-club”.
You will therefore be able to see a Gianni Rivera in the Chelsea control room, a Jairzinho snapping with a Feyenoord jersey on the wing, or even a Franz Beckenbauer captain of Steaua Bucharest (the Kaiser remains the Kaiser in any case and everywhere). This melting pot, not only in football, will be the most exciting part of the tournament and perhaps serve to clear up old grievances in the competition. The games will be, considering the age of the players 36 minutes, divided into six sections for six minutes (using actual time also in an experimental perspective) and pauses of one minute every two.
The second competition will instead have a diametrically opposite character, There Baby LeagueReserved for children up to 4 years, children of currently active professional athletes. Target audience: new parents and newly married couples. In addition to being fair, open, inclusive, tolerant, ethical and democratic, UEFA wants to play an important role in the growth of the new generations from an educational and training perspective.
Too many kids these days spend long hours in front of screens watching cartoons or superheroes. Why not encourage them to do it instead? Have a look on the tablet their peers in sports?
The teams from Baby League they will be mixed, not just in gender. A team can put together the sons and daughters of players from Real Madrid, Barcelona, Betis Sevilla or Villarreal, so 11 players count. A strong message of brotherhood aimed at unification and not to share. Not to mention another reason of interest to the public: to recognize early on in children the traits they can imitate in their parents. Does Mattia Immobile, to name just one, already have the same scoring instincts as father Ciro?
The referees will not be traditional match officials, but certified kindergarten teacherswhile the sponsor, a multinational baby goods manufacturer, has signed a ten-year deal worth €400m a year (more than four times the amount a well-known sportswear brand is paying Manchester United).
But the explosive novelty, destined to change the fruit and essence of football in Europe, is the third competition. Many will remember the alarm call that Andrea Agnelli raised a few years ago: the youth are turning their backs on football. Young people live in symbiosis with their smartphones. Young people are bored because 90 minutes is too much. Young people have an attention span of 8 seconds or less. Young people they tremble And they wipe, jump from one content to another. Young people walk fast.
Ceferin and the UEFA board accepted the meaning of those words, which acted like instrumental coercion. And in a commendable act of humility, they did it Fast League. Target Audience: Gen Alpha and Gen Z A revolutionary demonstration, starting with the structure. Because UEFA is a fair, open, inclusive, tolerant, ethical and democratic organisation, the Fast League All first and second division clubs of the 55 European associations are admitted, of course with the exception of clubs that compete in other competitions. Just register.
Calculating an average of 35 teams per country, Around 1925, teams compete for the cup for an estimated total of 3850 games. The draw will be tennis-style, modeled after the legendary English FA Cup, with two-way matches played over a maximum duration of 36 hours. You read that right: 36 hours.
Suppose Catanzaro meets Kazakh midfield team Atyrau. The Giallorossi will depart at dawn. Once arrived, they immediately head onto the field to confront their opponents. Once the match is over and the usual post-match formalities have been completed (press conferences, anti-doping control, etc.), The teams return together on the same plane (to encourage cultural exchange and ensure identical recovery times). And as soon as they land in Calabria, they will immediately play the second leg.
Otherwise, the games last 5 minutes in each half Young people get impatient. In the event of a tie, only one penalty will be awarded. If the equalizer stands, the team that posted the most selfies during the away game advances.
The venue for the first final will be in Iceland, in a stadium next to a geyser. In addition to being fair, open, inclusive, tolerant, ethical and democratic, UEFA aims to send a signal of attention to environmental and environmental issues dear to the reference target. Everything goes fast in the new Fast League. The matches will not be televised or streamed, only viewable on TikTok, through 8-second highlights according to the attention limit.
The official sponsor will be an important brand in the fast food field, for obvious reasons of conceptual harmony. The election caused some confusion and made the most sensitive of young people turn up their noses. Ceferin assured them that the proceeds from the agreement will be used exclusively to create new fields. Not soccer. From tomatoes. Or turnips. Or wheat. Why The future, including that of UEFA, lies in sustainable agriculture. Otherwise it would all be just another Fan.